Marriage: How to be Married and Stay Happy!

Everyone desires a happy marriage! Our concept of marriage is often similar to that of Hollywood and even fairytales from our childhood. We believe that when we get married, we will automatically live happily ever after, just as we supposed Cinderella and the handsome prince did. After the first few months of “marriage bliss,” the honeymoon period is over and we might feel we married the wrong person. Instead of marrying Cinderella, we think we married the Wicked Witch or instead of marrying the Charming Prince, we believe we married an ugly toad.

What does one do to when the love feelings are no longer present? Love is like a plant; it must be cherished and nourished in order for it to grow. If you neglect a plant and do not give it sunlight, water and fertilizer, it will wither and turn brown, eventually it will die. If you want your marriage to be happy you must communicate on a regular basis and contribute to your spouse’s emotional account of good feelings about you; or the relationship will probably die.

There are several good methods of communication that a couple can use to help them learn to talk openly and from the heart. Here are some suggestions to improve the communication with your spouse:

1. It is important to regularly affirm and show appreciation for your spouse.
2. It encourages and makes the spouse realize that they are pleasing to you and some things they are doing are right with you.

Levels of Communication

Share Level One Information

Another important part of communication with your spouse is to share level one information. By this I mean sharing general things about something your spouse may not be aware of. This could be about the kids, church, or even something you learned when reading the newspaper or watching a television program.

Share Level Two Information

After this level one communication it should be followed by sharing something that you may have an opinion about. You may have concern about something or may feel strongly about an idea.

Share Deeper Levels of Information

After sharing the first two levels of communication, it is important to move to a deeper level of sharing with your spouse. At this level, you may want to share some of your feelings about things in your world. You may even want to share something that bothers you that your spouse may be doing. It is important to ask for them to change the behavior or the thing that has been upsetting you. Ask them to make the necessary changes, but always follow the principle found in the Bible to “speak the truth in love.”

Last Level of Communication

The last level of communication that is needed with your spouse is to share your heart. This involves sharing from the deepest level and requires vulnerability. In this deep level of communication you may share your fears, hopes, dreams, desires or any other thing that would open your heart and your world to your spouse.

By practicing regular communication following this proven method, you will be providing the very life-blood that is needed to keep your marriage alive and happy. You will find that the emotional deposits will add up quickly and will pay rich dividends.

One of my areas of specialty is helping married couples to learn to communicate better and be more meaningful in their understanding of one another. I have been providing this type of help for couples in Florida for twenty years. Please feel free to contact me, Dr. David Hatmaker at 407-248-0030 for a phone consultation or counseling session or read more about me at www.totallifecounseling.com.